So I sit here with a MILLION things I should be doing. And yes, they are all on my to-do list. But I’m tired. And stressed. And my body is falling apart. And I JUST DON’T WANNA!
But of course I will. This summer semester class is my job and they are paying me to do it. I just have to push aside the fact that I’m not getting other things done because I’m so busy teaching — like my research. I just have to not think about the fact that I’m teaching 4 classes next fall (an overload — regular semester I get three) and taking on 4 research students (which I don’t get “credit” for as teaching a class OR get extra pay) and wondering how it’s all going to get done. Sigh. I just have to get through until August 24th and then I have a few days off in which I can worry about the fall semester. And research, well, I’ll worry about that until I get a grant and get some papers published.
I’ve got to try and keep my body from falling apart though. This isn’t good for my autoimmune diseases. I’ve been eating healthy and exercising almost every single day — both of which I know to counteract the effect of stress on my body. But I’m getting worn down. And I’m sleeping twice a day — about 6-7 hours at night and then 1-2 hours every afternoon (at least during the work week when I get up early). I’m ok with the twice a day thing although I can only do this until fall semester starts. But I’m getting acne — which I’ve learned is a sign that things inside of me are getting out of whack — especially when, like now, it’s encountered with numerous canker sores. This probably means that what I CAN’T see is my colon being inflamed and possibly trying to flare up. Such are the joys of living with ulcerative colitis.
I’m not sure what more I can do to prevent it but make an effort to keep up eating well and exercise. For the next few days, I may replace a second meal with Shakeology to help (more details on Shakeology, health, and me check out my Shakeology review). When possible, I will sleep when I feel like I need to. And I will TRY not to feel guilty for losing myself in a good book. I haven’t had the time to read a fiction book in over a year. And I feel bad for taking the time to do it even though I know the stress relief is good for me. I have the problem that although I get in bed to read a chapter at 12 am, when I decide to put the book down, it’s 1:30 am. Sigh. I guess I need to read books that aren’t so good, huh?
I have to thank all of the girls and guys doing my 5-day shakeology challenge this week. It is you guys and the fact that I feel like I should be an example during this time that has kept me from buying a cherry coke when I feel like I do now and making sure I’ve worked out every day. Otherwise, I would probably fall into my old habits when stressed – bad eating and no exercise – which would just make the possibility of a full blown ulcerative colitis flare more likely. And I guess now that I’ve taken the time to vent, it’s time to have a nap and then write my exam. Hope to be a less stressful person in the next couple of weeks!!